As I sit on my couch, at home, still in my pajamas, glasses on and with my second cup of coffee I am reflecting on where I am and what I want. As I typed “second cup of coffee” I noticed a heaviness in my chest and my heart beating a little faster. I don’t know if it’s the coffee or if I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude so I’m going to stop drinking it, take some breaths and see how I feel and if I want to finish it in a bit.
The last few sentences of that first paragraph may seem unnecessary and you may wonder why I included it, but it really is a great example of what I have been working on in my life and what I am moving towards.
My therapist asked me a couple of sessions ago, what “seeds I want to plant in the new year.” I like the way she phrased it. I no longer see value, in my own life, for grandiose goals and intentions but I am often aware of how to increase my self awareness and live according to my values rather than in reaction to the external.
So what seeds do I want to plant as I move through 2019?
- I want to sit and rest when I feel tired rather than pushing through to accomplish all of the things I feel I need to do.
- I want to slow down or stop and listen to my body. A few months ago, I would have drank the second cup of coffee because I made it and should finish it. I wouldn’t have noticed while drinking wine and eating, at the get together we had yesterday, that my body wanted a glass of water and that a handful of blueberries served me in a way that a scoop of mac n cheese wouldn’t have. (My heart beat has slowed down and my chest isn’t as heavy as it was a few moments ago, by the way).
- I want to sit on the couch and read a book, a book that I can hold and not swipe to the next page, rather than looking at e-mail or going on social media on my phone. I may be interrupted but does it really matter all that much?
- I want write every day whether it be, processing or reflection in my journal or “streams of consciousness” writing in which I set a timer for 10 minutes and write whatever comes to my head.
- I want to meditate every day. It can be that I listen to a 30 minute guided meditation, or sit in silence for 10 minutes or sit for 5 minutes while momentarily telling my 5 year old that he cannot take paint in his room and reminding my 8 year old where the charger can be found. Happy 2019 Everyone! I hope this is a beautiful and peaceful year for you filled with gratitude, lessons and connection.